Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
