he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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