Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
no you cant smoke seaweed
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
