Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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