I accidentally had phone sex last night
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
