Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
