I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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