i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
