have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
