his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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