What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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