Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He? As in you personified your dick?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
