The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
