Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
