I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
