dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I think I just sharted jello shots
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