3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
