Do you still have your period?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
