You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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