Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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