I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
