The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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