Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
