Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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