Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
