The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
