I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
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