I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
