If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
is wine microwaveable?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
