i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
