Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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