Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
