My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
