it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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