the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Randomize
