Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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