Swine flu. Run for my life!
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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