remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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