why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
