I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
