i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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