so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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