that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize