Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Randomize
