Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
