omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
