I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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