My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
