oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
