Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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