I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
