i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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