I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
