I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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