Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
