Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
