I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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