if i died would you start the facebook group?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
