the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
