I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
