I showed him my bush... on skype.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
