he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
