spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
