I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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