I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
