If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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