He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Terrible idea I love it
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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