There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I think people are normalizing furries
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
