dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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