: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
