"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
