It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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