I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
