She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
