me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
