I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
