cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Randomize
