dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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