my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
