The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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