I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
