I am midnight drunk by noon
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
