Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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