Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
