I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
